First Joke- 3.5 years

Joshua is playing with his truck and trying to engage Mom to be one of them while she's is nursing Benjamin

Joshua: You can be Lofty and I will be Speedy Benny.
Mom: Is Benny fast or is he really fast?
Joshua: Actually, Mama, he's slow.
Mom: OK, well then I can ride with him?
Joshua: Well, you can catch-up......[laughs] Do you want fries with that?!

Madison

On the arrival of his brother:
The Backdrop -

Two weeks after Benjamin's arrival, Madison, our 8 year old Maine Coon finally succumbed (at home  to kidney failure.  We had him cremated, and his ashes scattered across a mountainside.  A few weeks later, we got a card with a picture of the mountainside, which we posted in the kitchen.

Joshua says:  So,  where is Benjamin going to live?  Mom:  Well,  I'm kinda attached to him - I thought he'd live here with us - that be ok with you?.  Joshua: Not really.   Silence    Joshua:  May be he could live with Abigail - I think Jazzy wants a little brother
Mom:  Oh, it's going to be great to be a big brother - you can teach him to do all sorts of things like eat, run, play ball.....  Joshus:  Well, if Abigail doesn't want him may be he can go live where Madison lives.

I can't work under these conditions!

Joshua and I were assembling a new Playmobile Airplane - a rather complicated affair, with lots of parts.  Benjamin was getting tired and hungry and started crying.  Loudly.

"Mama," Josh said, expecting action, "I can't work when the baby's crying."